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So I got some blood work done with my primary care physician (PCP) a while back and there were indicators that I had a "fatty liver". They did some follow up blood work and an ultrasound and yep. I met with a specialist and he said that the only real treatment is diet and exercise. No shit. No pill would fix it magically and there was no procedure to reverse it. I'm only 33, and not that lazy or out of shape -relatively. It's not really a bad thing, your doctor telling you you need to take care of yourself, I just figured I had a while before the doc said, hey fat ass get up and out, stop eating twinkies and move your fat ass.
=)
I got my driver's license!!! It took 2 tries to pass the driving part; I rolled a right on red on my first try, which is considered running a red light, and breaking the law=fail. On my 2nd try I did everything cautiously, and that damn red light was green this time.
I'll be getting that Silverado soon.. I'm excited about this! I can finally leave the house without having to ride shotgun or walk or ride my bike.. Soon. I still have to actually get the truck paid for and get insurance, registration, etc.
walk
I've set a walk-out date
"walk-out" as in I'll literally walk out
(unless I manage to aquire a vehicle, then I'll drive)
no where specific, but likely away from people
if I'm at all lucky I'll make it there safely
then I can leave the world as I came, alone.
piece
From my last entry you'd think I'd offed myself by now.
Nope.
I found something more valuable than depression. Well, it sorta found me. A long-time friend and former crush from high school moved back into town. She messaged me on facebook... "What's up my beautiful artist friend". My heart leapt! I replied, and to my surprise she was online. We had a convo, and some time soon she's supposed to come visit me. She seemed pretty excited, said promise 3 times and used lots of exclamation points.
But.. I'm always cautious when something awesome gets near me. I rarely get exactly what I want.
peace
It's every day now. I wake up and want nothing to do with the day, I roll over and try to find my place back in that dream. I get up, finally, and dread taking my necessary medicines, poison in fact; my body hungers but I have no appetite. I day dream of walking off to nowhere and leaving no message as to where I've gone. I imagine a gun and my lifeless body found, eventually, in clothes filled with mounds of maggots. Sometimes, dangling from some majestic tree in sun-bleached clothes, with leathery patches of skin clinging to bones, white, picked clean.
I sleep as much as possible during the day, and the nights are somewhat less lonely, tho
© 2015 - 2024 lamorth-the-seeker
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